Based on a growing amount of actrimony to our fellow scribe "Michaels Mom", our next challenge is to write a limerick describing his ultimate demise. He'll be known as "Buck" in the limerick.
Woodpecker
I knew a young wrITer named “Buck”
Whose prose routinely contained "Fuck",
Though his night terrors remained,
And his bed sheets dream stained,
He was ultimately killed by a truck.
Omphuss - Take One
One story of a writer named "Buck"
Suggests he was hit by a truck
That isn't quite it
He was having a shit
The man shared Elvis' luck
Omphuss - Take Two
There was a poor writer named Buck
On the can he ran out of luck
His mitts he employed
To his bits overjoyed
And died dreaming of sheep he could fuck
Omphuss - Take Three
There was a fella named Buck
Who died from the Jame Gumm tuck
He rammed his ham and eggs
Down between his legs
And panicked when they got stuck
Woodpecker- Part Deux
There was a little pecker named Buck
The bottom he never did fuck
But on each of those rides
He banged the hell outta the sides
Never worrying once about getting stuck.
Michael's Mom
Buck wanted to fuck this hot stripper
He made sure he was her best tipper
When she finally agreed
To ride him like a steed
It was just too much for his ticker
Woodpecker- Number 3
Buck referred to his pecker as Ticker
Twas about as big as a sticker
With a stripper hot as hell
Ticker went and hid in his shell
Buck ended up having to lick her.
A Journey of 1000 Commutes
9 years ago
Hello. Your limericks make me sad. Are you American? Your humour is unBritish. Can you add intelligence to it? I envision you as two large men and a third smaller man who makes the food. Do you all live together as flatmates? Will you venture into sonnets?
ReplyDeleteYour Fan,
Enar
Ought I to read the earlier posts, or would it be a waste of time?
ReplyDeleteThanks,
Enar
Hey,
ReplyDeleteAre you guys there?
Hey,
ReplyDeleteEnar here. I read your earlier posts. It was a waste of time. Can you give me a heads up of what your next post will be? And please tell me whether it will be good or bad so I will know whether to tell my friends.
Thanks,
Enar
Hey Guys,
ReplyDeleteEnar here. I was just watching Road Trip on Comedy Central. I thought you all should watch it with a pen and pad. It will make you all funnier.
What do you do when you cannot sleep? Personally, I like to watch Road Trip.
Your Pal,
Enar
Enar again. It has only been a few hours since we have met, but I feel like I know you all already. Could you tell me a little bit about yourselves? Where do you live? What are your phone numbers?
ReplyDeleteHope all is well.
Enar
Hey,
ReplyDeleteIt's Enar. So when do you guys check these comments anyway? I think you should have someone whose job it is to respond at least once a night. Maybe I could do that for you guys. I mean, once I get to know you all. What do you think?
Enar
Dear Enar,
ReplyDeleteThank you for your attention to our tiny blog! We are (just starting out/blogging all over the place). (You might want to check out our other blogs: ____________.com, ____________.net. These blogs are about __________, ___________, and our favorite topic of all, _____________.) Our next post will be our best yet. It will be about __________________. (Note from Enar: I recommend that you stay away from making fun of minorities, the deformed, and the otherwise developmentally disabled, in particular the lazy-eyed, an afflication from which I happen to suffer.) We hope that you will tell all of your friends about us! Someday we hope that this blog will be the Crown Jewel of the Internet.
Yours Truly,
Woodpecker, Oomphuss, and Michael's Mom
P.S. You can let me know if I got the job by responding in the comments section. Then I will give you all of my contact information. And you will give me all of yours.
See you soon,
Enar
WHAT THE F--- I GIVE ALL THIS FEEDBACK AND GET NOTHING? GO F--- YOURSELVES YOU F---ING MORONS. I F---ING QUIT.
ReplyDeleteOnly 2 possibilities here. Either you are joking or you have issues. Either one works pefectly for this site.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry. I can't sleep. I am also drunk. I will try harder.
ReplyDeleteHow did you stumble across this site?
ReplyDeleteIt flashed briefly on the opening page of Blogger when you made your last post a while back. I like to find new blogs, so I clicked on a bunch of them looking for a new one and saved yours. But then I forgot about it until I couldn't sleep tonight. My hours are terribly screwed up since I came back to the States. Tonight I got bored and looked through my favorites. You should advertise. Maybe I will help.
ReplyDeleteSo are you all flatmates? Two big guys and one little guy? Are you aware that you all three seem secretly to hate each other? That's just my first impression.
Or are you one person writing with three different styles? That would be masterful. If so, then maybe you hate yourself.
If you wouldn't mind, could you please delete my rude post? It sort of unintentionally slipped out.
If you are three different people, then maybe you should think about getting rid of Michael's Mom, who does not seem to want to post.
ReplyDeleteThen you could add a funny person. Me. I'm a pretty good joke teller. Actually, I have to withdraw myself from consideration for personal reasons.
If you are one person, then maybe you should make the Woodpecker character more like the funnier Oomphuss character, and you could replace the Michael's Mom character with a crazy person. Or someone drowned in the absurd. So many possibilities.
Right now, you have the one funny guy and two straight men. I don't think I've ever seen that before in a comedy act. But maybe you are onto something.
Good luck. I look forward to your next post!
Enar
I smell a ruse....
ReplyDeleteWell, I guess I am making fun and being silly, but at the same time trying to mix in some good advice. It's a three-headed problem: insomnia, beer, and issues.
ReplyDeleteI guess I am not going to get any answers to my questions. Still good to get a reply. Doesn't your computer chime or send you an email when you get comments? It should.
Do you have goals from this blog? Comedy? Joke writing?
Bedtime for me. I think you should continue with your poetry.
We are indeed 3 different people and not sure how this is going to develop over time. I've got a separate blog you can check out called no wax rants. There's a link to it on this blog. Keep checking back and thanks for the advice.
ReplyDeleteI will check back every day. I promise.
ReplyDeleteI showed a friend three blogs that I like. Yours was one of them. He enjoyed your limericks making fun of the little guy. I like to introduce my friends to the blog world. What are your email addresses?
ReplyDeleteI am going to try to make your blog famous in a minor way. I hope you guys are ready for the responsibility.
ReplyDeleteHey,
ReplyDeleteI just thought of something. Have you guys ever seen the movie Porky's? It is in my opinion a comedy classic. Take an immodium an hour before you pop it in or else you will shit all over yourselves laughing. That's me being funny. But only the last part. Porky's is a riot.
I should mention it has nudity. Mostly breasts. Don't watch it with kids around. I think it has a restricted rating. But most of the humor revolves around ugly men trying to see/get attractive women naked/drunk/compromised. The humor is very realistic.
ReplyDelete