The Names and Descriptions of My Various Punches

The Bag of Water - This is a viscious little punch that can pull you out of the fire at any time. Thrown from the hip, a tight left hook buried in your opponent's right side between the last rib and the hip bone will jar the flange of the liver that wraps around from the back right there. Your opponent will go down like a "bag of water". Not only is it "game over", he is going to be peeing chunky for days and if you don't fall asleep with a smile over that, you were probably kissed by your uncle and liked it.

The Hammer Fist - Pretty simple, wrap your fist around a hammer and whack your opponent on any exposed surface. Guys don't get up after that, don't care where you hit them. I once saw a guy throw in the towel after being hit in the pinkie toe with a hammer. My take away? Don't wear flip flops to a hammer fight!

Punch- Describes any garden variety punch, right lead, straight lefts and rights, most upper cuts, jabs, etc. I use them when I am not feeling "fancy".

Rabbit Punch - The most self evident of my punch names. I named it after a very similar punch thrown by a pet rabbit I had. You just graze your opponent's ears with a double punch, doing no damage at all. Outside of "Death" it is my worst punch. Everyone knows rabbits can't fight for shit. Faggots.

Death - My worst punch, hands down. A truly terrible punch. Not even worth going into details. I gave it the name in hopes that the guy I am fighting is going shit cold coffee and head for the hills when he hears it. Marketing is mythology, people.

Dim Mak or "Death Touch" - Powerful but ineffective punch. Using one's Chi, the natural flow of personal energy, and a deft touch, a master like myself can cause a man to die 3 days after receiving the blow. The problem is that a man who is going to die in 3 days can kick your fucking ass right now. Trust me on this one.

Yeah, You Just Shit Your Own Spleen - The most misunderstood punch of all. Most people think that I punch the spleen right out of the guy. Not so. This brilliant punch simply knocks the fellow's spleen loose. He then shits it right out. A fundamental law of physiology: the human body will immediately, violently and anally reject any free floating spleen.

Superman Punch - This is the one where I knock a bum out and then go home and fuck Lois Lane.